How to deal with dissapointment
“Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.”
The feeling is often uncomfortable and unrecognisable. It quickly can turn everything you think about yourself slightly grey scale. You feel agitated, frustrated and upset. Your bed seems harder to get out of in the morning. And your coffee acts as if you’ve ordered a decaf.
Let’s face it, being disappointed at someone or having someone disappointed in you is one of the worst emotions to cope with.. Remember the old phrase “ I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed” ?? Feels good right? Well if it isn’t someone else that is disappointed in you, what about if the person that is disappointed in you is.. you?
There are many reasons you may feel disappointed in yourself, but what I have recently learnt is that we impose a series of standards & expectations on ourselves, which are in some cases difficult to continually meet. You can be riding your bicycle quite happily till someone throws a stick in the spokes and you can quite literally fall down, and quickly.
Lets start with my own… it doesn’t need a lengthy explanation but to cut a long story short…a niche job that I thought I had secured and had planned on moving for fell through. It was more of a sticky situation than it sounds but that’s the general thread. (For context, it was a stepping stone job/ gateway towards my career)
Now the disappointment of not getting this job was more overwhelming that I had ever imagined. I had put all my apples in this basket, and I didn’t think life would give me lemons. So to speak, I was left jobless…
In my life I have been pretty lucky with getting jobs that I wanted. I was aware of my personality and worked hard to get the roles that matched it. So when this job was not given to me & after I cried like a baby, the self-doubt kicked in.
The disappointment quickly transcended into discouragement that lead to warped toxic reflections of myself.
Apart from the stress of having a lease to pay with no job, I let these toxic thoughts ruin both my morning coffee and what I thought of myself. I was living a life ruled by my own expectations I couldn’t meet and was quick to judge myself. So the people around me tried to pick me up, they would say, “everything happens for a reason”. The only issue is, you don’t know whether it has any truth to it or just a sentence from the book of, “ I don’t know what else to say”.
Suddenly my invisible timeline of where I should be in my life at what age was thrown so I dragged around these emotions for a while, and you know where that got me? Absolutely nowhere. It wasn’t until I was given perspective by one of my best friends that my mindset shifted. If I didn’t have a career by 24 to spend my disposable income on stuff I didn’t need, then who gives a f***?
To say that I am completely fine now with not getting the job would be a lie…I am still angry as f*** and ended up working a job I loathed.. but hey!.. Lets just say I have learnt from it. So here’s some tips I would take on board for the next time i am required to conquer rejection:
1. Let it out:
- Allow yourself a day max to cope- cry, sleep, yell.. whatever helps.
2. Stop that, and get perspective:
- Quit crying and address your emotions, what is the core reason you are upset? Can you improve? What can you work on in the mean time?
3. Remind Yourself:
- It is not the be all and end all. There are loads of different reasons you may have not landed a job on both sides, it is not always you. I repeat.. IT IS NOT ALWAYS YOU. To be told no, is ok.
4. Positive Assertion:
- Because you may not have been given the job, you don’t suck and you’re not a failure who will never get a job in your life.
5. Let it go:
- Recognise what has happened, accept it, set new goals and move on. Write it all down and just get going!