written by Georgia Farrell
Sydney’s Northern Beaches flaunts its luscious beaches and is home to jaw dropping bleached blondes, evident when you scroll through Tinder. With decent surf, close proximity to the city and a general laid backish feel, it’s no wonder we bring up quality men who rave about Triple J 'Like a Version' and are armed with a roof top tent for their Ute.
So if you grew up on the beaches with the L90 chauffeuring you to underage parties, chances are you’ve dated or have at least tuned a fine young northern beaches lad. With surf, sport, drugs, F45, Choccy Box & Fitness First, house parties, and plenty of stuff to build; there are a few categories we can narrow our stunning NB men down to.
So let’s rattle off a few that come to mind.
(** a boy that has moved into the area after school does not count)
1. The Surfy boy
2. The Footy guy
3. The bong/dart smoker
4. The Tradie
5. The DJ
6. The Photographer
6. The Gym guy
7. The lifeguard
So what about the northern beaches guy?
To be fair, I haven’t actually dated a NB boy myself, but I have been on the counselling end for many friends that have. For the purpose of this article, I have gathered some data from frustrated girlfriends and just some stereotype gossip as evidence.
So if you are a person moving into the relationship side of things with a Northern Beaches guy, chances are you will be with one of the below so grab yourselves a wine, notepad and have a laugh.
1. The Surfy Guy
The NB surfy guy might flaunt a shaggy sun bleached hair do and most likely will be cruising around in B. COOLS. If you are dating one here’s some things you might be familiar with:
- In the morn he will have Coastal Watch open on his phone checking the surf conditions.
- At least 1 surfboard will be permanently in his car meaning he can only give 2 or 3 of your mates a lift home.
- His car will stink of wetsuit.
- Be prepared to sit on the beach for a couple of hours while he surfs.
- He's always talking about going down south for a surf trip or the oldies will talk about how good moonshine used to be.
- Surf vocab: Getting a couple?
- If he has to miss good surf or a board riders comp to come to your lunch at Watson's Bay, brace yourself be for a very grumpy boy.
- If he doesn’t reply for a couple of hours, he’s probably in the surf.
- He will drive the whole Northern Beaches just to find waves, then surf for about 2 hours then get salty rooster.... so see-ya in 5 hours.
2. The Footy Guy
If your interested in a NB footy guy here’s some things to expect:
- Weekends are FOR THE BOYS.
- If they win the grand final, expect a homoerotic bender and no calls or texts as if you don’t exist.
- He might not have a neck?
- You will probably have to sit on the sideline a couple of times.
- “I’ll blow my fucking old man before you see me in a Belrose jersey.”
- Babe, did you bring a drink bottle?
- You won't ever understand the team mates boy thing but they make him feel secure, and masculine.
- “Surely not.”
- Make sure you tell him how good he played, and pick one moment in the game.
- Never tell him one of his that one of his team mates played better than him.
- CHICKS--> FOOTY---> BEERS
3. The Stoner/ Dart smoker
This guy is probably the nice guy and with a cute smile but, sometimes the couch just wins….
- Fuck I’m out of papers…
- Anyone have a Gatorade?
- He will have that stoner smile that attracts you
- He won’t answer his phone because he’s with his mates/ doesn't hear it.
- What X-box....?
- Dad’s getting suss on how short the hose is…
- There’s always someone over with them just lounging, choofing.
- He falls asleep early even if you have plans.
4. The Tradie
The NB tradie, there’s a few of them and many of us girls or boys are attracted to these roof climbing, electric or plumbing playing hunks. If they aren’t bludging at Brookie TAFE they are probably on smoko or at the pub having a slap. Here’s how being a NB tradie GF might play out.
- They will forever ditch your weekend plans for “cashies”
- Got plans on Friday? Nah the boys are heading to the cliff in their Ute for a beer. It's all good though because you can go to pick them up later.
- Your tradie boyfriend must have a good ute, he can't move out of home though because he can't afford it.
- They will know more songs on the radio than you.
- They wake you up in the early hours trying to find their s***.
- But then they are tired after work because they have a manual labour job and you don’t.
- A tradie boyfriend will find himself with his other tradie boyfriends complaining about how annoying their girlfriend’s are because they want to go out to dinner.
- Their top of the rang FWD ute will get them to the Timo on Thursday’s but no women allowed except the ones that are half naked serving you drinks
4. The DJ
Whether they are djing at mona pub or just filthy deep house beats in a garage, you’ve essentially signed up to either partying with them or goodbye to weekend dates.
- They will always most likely have control of the AUX cord.
- His working hours are your unwinding hours, if your needy...you've picked the wrong guy.
- You will have to pick him up from ‘work’ because he’s drunk.
- Because really...the sync and play button are easy enough when your blind.
- He will get offered free drugs at every gig.
- Your opinion of any music is automatically invalid because you're inexperienced in mixing.
- You probably will never have to wait in line at clubs & get free tickets.
- What’s SASH?
- You will have to do your own thing the next morning till 12pm.
- You will have to hear his mix a couple of times, not to mention the same set he is practicing while you lay on his bed and play on your phone.
- You probably won't be in his profile pic, it will be a photo of him and the decks from a lower angle.
5. The Photographer
- You will probably here the word ‘shoot’... that you will end up doing JUST THAT to yourself.
"sorry babe, I've just got to shoot this event"
- You will have to stop everywhere because he want to get a photo.
- “The light this morn was the best I’ve seen”
- They will spend hours on Light Room or an editing program while you just sit there.
- At one stage you’ve hiked to Palmy light house with him for sunset/sunrise shots.
- Your friends will ask all the time if your boyf can shoot their party or new bikini line.
- You will have to go to VIVID with him and traipse around with a tripod.
5. The gym guy
- “I finish work at 5 but have to go to the gym so should be there around 8, but if I shower at the gym might be earlier”
- Can you drive babe, I’ve gotta find a quote for this gym pic.
- If you make a comment about your body in passing he will never let you forget it.
- They’ll convince you to get your own pre workout.
- They won’t go for a walk with you but they will go to the gym.
- You come second to the gym...
- Then third to food.
- “I don’t wanna have sex, I’m up early to train”
- Sweaty washing & protein shakers filling up the dishwasher.
- He will get really proud of his clients kicking goals, and then you find yourself having a conversation about the awesome time that Vanessa got on her 25km run or the new PB John deadlifted in training that day.
- You’ll end up joining the F45 cult, Cube or Choccy box just so you can spend time with them.
6. The Lifeguard
- He might have a sexy sunglasses tan.
- They love being called lifesavers...
- They have probably grown up surfing and froth on the beach too hard they decided to make it a career.
- You probably will have to bring lunch or a coffee to him at the beach at some point
- Ella Bache zinc will be his life.
- They won’t really want to go to the beach with you unless they are surfing or at work, so you will have to go to the beach he is working at.
So if your NB man doesn’t fall into one of these categories, they are probably a musician from Barrenjoey High, a suit from St Augustine’s or a van driving hippy.
Regardless of all this, we still love our northern beaches boys. That’s why we keep coming back for more!
Special thanks to some anonymous ladies and the legends; Jack Weaver,Tom Johnson & Sean Powderly.
“ What to expect when you date a northern beaches girl…”